I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
