I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
