I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
