You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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