tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
