First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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