Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
