I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
