toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i've created a new STD.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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