My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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