i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize