I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
