I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
