I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
