mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
