whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
