Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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