singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
