His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
