Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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