I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
