So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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