you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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