Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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