I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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