My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
