I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize