Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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