We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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