My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
