I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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