were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
