i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
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I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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