Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
