It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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