All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
