i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize