The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
