Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
