oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
