I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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