I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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