My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
