u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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