My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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