I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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