dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
