Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
