I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
