so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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