I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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