happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
