If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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