hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
