Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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