okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
