the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
