apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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