Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
