Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
