I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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