if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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