So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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