so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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