I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
