How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
