I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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