I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
